A Day with Gramma.

So I had lunch with my Grandmother today.

She's 85 and has been blessed with good health. She still lives on her own and is completely independent and self sufficient. My sister and I were going weekly for a couple of years when my grandfather was ill and following his death. Last summer we cut back to every other week and then more recently cut back again to once a month. I would like to see her more, but we have to travel to see her and with work and family commitments I just couldn't keep up the weekly or even biweekly schedule. Phone calls help to bridge the time between visits.

It saddens me sometimes that people don't take the time to spend with aging relatives. Sometimes I think there is a disconnect between generations ... and often we just become so absorbed in ourselves and our lives that we don't make the time for them. I'm guilty of this as well, having cut back on our visits over the last year.

I value this time with my Gramma and love to here her stories of long ago. My other Gramma, battling Alzheimers and dementia, lives in a nursing home now and I spend Wednesday evenings with her. I miss the days when she could share stories, offer words of wisdom and a be shoulder to cry on. Her illness stole her away from the rest of us many years ago and left us with her physical presence alone.

If you are fortunate enough to have aging relatives still living in your family, take the time to appreciate them. Spend a day with them and be generously rewarded with their love. Tell them you love them and give them a hug. We never know when our family treasures will be stolen from us.

Enjoy them today.

How do I know if my cat is ...

So, my one year old indoor cat got out apparently a week or so ago. She has been in and out of heat for the last couple of months so we've had to be extra careful not to let her dart out the door. However, she obviously found an exit and we were unaware until she came meowing at the back door to be let back in.

Our concern, of course, is that she found an all too willing male while she was outdoors. Her nose was all scratched up on her return and I'd rather believe it's from the bushes she walked through as opposed to thinking they're mating wounds. For several days now she has been over the top affectionate with everyone; even Peach whom she normally ignores. He's convinced she's pregnant.

While at Wee's last night I was telling her my feline tale of woe and she suggested we search on google for the signs of a cat being pregnant. So we started to type ....

"how do I know if my cat is....."

You know how google automatically suggests recent/more popular searches that match your search? Well, the list included:

• ... has fleas?
• ... is constipated?
• ... is happy?
• ... is in labour?

• ... IS TRYING TO KILL ME?

Yes. Apparently a popular google search is "how do I know if my cat is trying to kill me?" It's been searched 184,000 times. 184,000! Wee and I could resist. We had to make it 184,000 and one. The signs, just in case you're wondering, that your cat is trying to kill you include:

• KNEADING ON YOU. You may think this is a sign of affection, but it's actually your cat checking your internal organs for weakness.
• EXCESSIVE SHOVELING OF THE KITTY LITTER. After using the litterbox, your cat needlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room. This is practice for burying bodies.
• STARING CONTEST. If you get caught in a staring contest with your cat, do not look away. Looking away will signal to your cat that you are weak and an attack will likely follow.
• BRINGING YOU DEAD ANIMALS. This isn't a gift, it's a warning.
• SLEEPING ON YOUR ELECTRONICS. Humans have superior technology. Your cat knows this and is attempting to disrupt all communications with the outside world.

Just in case your not sure after reading the above and more, they conveniently offer a two minute quiz entitled "Is your cat plotting to kill you?"

Well, after the chuckles we still had a task at hand and finally did research signs my cat may be pregnant. Among other things, being overly affectionate is indeed a sign. We will continue to monitor the situation and if Peach is right we may be welcoming a litter of kitties within the next 60 - 67 days with the average being 63 days.

Stay tuned.

7 Stores and a Restaurant.

First a stop at the Supercentre for dishwasher tabs (with bonus jetdry!) at a whopping $6.50 off with coupon.

Second stop at Home Outfitters to check out the baking sheets, loaf pans and muffin tins - but they didn't have the kind we were looking for. Everything else too expensive, so we left after just a few minutes ... but not before stopping to discuss and ponder the Magic Bullet.

Third stop - a unscheduled stop - to Walmart to look for the baking sheets we couldn't find at stop 2. Success here; found everything but the mini muffin trays and 1/2 loaf pans.

Fourth stop at BulkBarn. Auntie E had been there earlier in the week to buy spices, but didn't label the bags so Nana needed to match up the numbers with the spices. Also picked up some golden raisins for the rice pudding, seasoned salt and more baking sheets.

Fifth stop at Kitchen Stuff Plus with a longer list: spice rack (2 - 1 for daily spices & 1 for baking spices), senior-friendly 'pop-top' canisters, pyrex bakeware (4 of various shapes/sizes)
and probably more, but I'm not sure at this point.

Lunch was next because the last scheduled stop was for groceries and Nana didn't want to leave food in the truck in the heat. We ate at Mama's which has become our "regular" spot of late. Nana had one egg scrambled with bacon, homefries and toast; Wee had a toasted western on brown with a side of onion rings and I had a chicken wrap with a side of fries. Good conversation and laughs over an enjoyable meal, and then it was on to what was supposed to be our last stop.

Sixth stop at A&P. Nana pulled out her list including milk, bread, dijon mustard, butter and jello powder. In addition picked up some gladware containers, sweet treats and icecream bars. Realized while looking at the list that she forgot to pick up some Immodium, a toilet brush and a birthday card. These were essentials and deemed another unscheduled stop necessary.

Seventh and final stop at Zellers. A quick trip in proved successful for 2 out of the remaining 3 items. The toilet brush, it was decided, could wait until our next shopping day in 2 weeks.

Back to the house to unload and wash all her new treasures. Over tea, more conversation and laughs. A quick lightbulb change, mirror wiped and toilet cleaned and we had successfully completed all of our scheduled tasks.

3 pairs of tired feet. 2 missed naps. 1 productive day.

Another fantastic visit with our grandmother.

Another day 2 sisters spent together laughing, teasing and enjoying eachother's company.

#9: Where did you live as a child?

I was born and raised in this city. I grew up downtown pretty well most of my childhood. We didn't move around much and most of my memories up until age 11 come from living in the apartment. It was a low rise; only 6 apartments in the L-shaped building, and situated on a corner lot. It was a small 2 bedroom unit, and Wee and I shared a room.

There was no yard to speak of. I remember the activity of choice was digging in the rock hard dirt out back. Gramma used to get mad at me a lot for losing all of her spoons out there. Wee and I weren't allowed to play anywhere but in the back yard, because Gramma was afraid we'd either get hit by a car or abducted (seriously!). I was quite content to play out back as long as my friends were with me, but they were allowed to venture around the building and when games like tag or hide and seek were being played I would lie and say I didn't want to play because I didn't want anyone to know I wasn't allowed out of the yard.

My favourite activity had to be building forts in the crawl spaces and cubbies in and around the building. We lived right across the street from a corner store and they had the biggest selection of penny candy ever!

When I turned 11 we moved to the outskirts of the city, and I've been here now for 30 years. That was an exciting time!

My own room!

Freedom! I had to take the bus to school and even though Gramma followed behind the bus in the car ... I was still on the bus by myself!

We moved to a small townhouse complex, complete with tennis court, swimming pool and playground. It was honestly the fanciest place I had ever seen. It was full of kids my age and I made friends quickly. My time was soon spent rollerblading, swimming, playing jumpsies and baseball. Just hanging out. I was the perfect age for the move and I took advantage of every opportunity I was presented with. Back then, there were still farms in the fields around the complex and one of my earliest memories about moving there was a huge barn fire one spring. The entire area now is of course of shopping plaza.

I've driven you all through the area many times over the years and shown you my house, my hangout, my friend's house etc. One day it will mean more to you then it did then or does even now.

One day, I'm sure you'll drive your kids around showing them where their Gramma grew up. Only then, when you're older and have kids of your own, will you appreciate my now-boring stories of my childhood.

And then you'll drive my grandchildren around to show them the area that YOU grew up in.

Lucille may have left you with a crop in the field, but she brought my Gramma back to me.

Even if just for one song.

I don't have many memories of my Gramma Rogers growing up. But the ones I do have are very vivid. I've always credited her for my love of country music. Classic country specifically. I have early memories of being in her kitchen, with the comforting warm smell of delicious in the air and the sweet sound of her singing Patsy, Kitty, Loretta, Hank et al.

I remember picnics in the park and breakfasts with Santa. Falling asleep on the living room couch watching tv at night. Being allowed to go to the corner store by myself, like a big girl. Travelling on the street car. Feeling special.

Gramma was never a big part of our childhood - there was tension and conflict between her and Mom. Mom has told me she's not even sure where my memories come from since we didn't spend much time with her.

The fact that we spent such apparently little time yet the memories are so vivid just speaks volumes of how special the time we did spend was to me.

As we grew up, the distance between Mom and Gramma and the stage that teenagers go through of it not being cool to hang out with your family led to spending even less time with Gramma over the years.

I'm not exactly sure when Gramma started to "get sick." Gradually robbed of her memories and her life, first by dementia then later Alzheimer's. For a long time I would hear of her difficulties but not see them first hand. I don't even know for sure when Mom and Gramma resolved their issues. Perhaps they didn't; perhaps Mom just worked through them on her own and learned to let go of years grudges as she dealt with watching her own mother deteriorate.

What I do know, is that Mom and Aunt Lynda were taking care of Gramma more and more and before I knew it my own children were spending Saturdays at Gramma Rogers' with them helping with shopping and household chores. I was proud that they had that opportunity. Not many children have the luxury of having a great-grandparent around. My children were blessed with several great-grandparents on both sides of the family and it was important to me that they knew how special that was. Many conversations with Mom brought up the question "do you really want the kids to see Gramma this way?"

Yes. Yes I did. I certainly wouldn't have chosen to inflict this struggle on Gramma, but this is who she was now. Her illness didn't make her any less 'Gramma Rogers'. It didn't remove her from the family. To keep my children from seeing her "this way" would have meant keep them from seeing "her." Life can unfairly take those we love far too soon, far too often. I didn't want take Gramma away any faster then she was already slipping away from us. I also didn't think I would be doing my kids a favour by "protecting" them from the sad realities of ageing and illness.

Mom has recently become Gramma's primary care giver and Gramma has made the transition into living at Mom's permanently now. I've enjoyed spending time with Gramma again, and as I watch her slip further away I'm saddened and guilt ridden that I let all those years pass by in the middle. I may not be able to change the past, but I have complete control over the present.

And I'm taking advantage of that.

Last weekend I got to spend a brief moment with the old Gramma; the one I remember so lovingly as a child. Mom, Wee, Gramma and I were sitting in the gazebo as we have so often done this summer. The three of us gabbing and gossiping while Gramma sits quietly. I had my ipod playing, which was different - usually it's Wee's music. As some of my classic country tunes started playing Gramma started first to tap her foot, then clap her hands. It was nice to see her enjoying the music and I enjoyed quietly watching her. As Kenny Rogers' Lucille came on Gramma sat forward a little bit in her chair .... and I almost fell off mine when she sang - word for word, in perfect tune - the chorus:

"you picked a fine time to leave me Lucille.
with 4 hungry children and a crop in the field.
I've had some bad times, lived through some sad times,
but this time your hurtin' won't heal.
you picked a fine time to leave me Lucille."

Most of the time Gramma doesn't know who we are. She'll think I'm Mom and my kids are my sister and I when we were little. That's if we're lucky and it's a time when she's familiar with us at all. She dips her kleenex in her eggs like it was toast and eats it. She puts the phone in the fridge. Tries to walk around the house naked in front of others. Thinks she's lived at Mom's for 30 years. Screams and thinks Mom is trying to hurt her when she's getting her pyjamas on. Doesn't remember being married. Tells Mom she's not her daughter; says she doesn't have any children. Garbles sentences when she tries to answer questions so she's stopped even trying.

Somehow, for some reason, that song brought her back to us.

Even if just for that brief chorus. The most beautiful chorus I've ever heard.

It brought tears to my eyes, and another moment with Gramma Rogers that I'll treasure forever.