How do I know if my cat is ...

So, my one year old indoor cat got out apparently a week or so ago. She has been in and out of heat for the last couple of months so we've had to be extra careful not to let her dart out the door. However, she obviously found an exit and we were unaware until she came meowing at the back door to be let back in.

Our concern, of course, is that she found an all too willing male while she was outdoors. Her nose was all scratched up on her return and I'd rather believe it's from the bushes she walked through as opposed to thinking they're mating wounds. For several days now she has been over the top affectionate with everyone; even Peach whom she normally ignores. He's convinced she's pregnant.

While at Wee's last night I was telling her my feline tale of woe and she suggested we search on google for the signs of a cat being pregnant. So we started to type ....

"how do I know if my cat is....."

You know how google automatically suggests recent/more popular searches that match your search? Well, the list included:

• ... has fleas?
• ... is constipated?
• ... is happy?
• ... is in labour?

• ... IS TRYING TO KILL ME?

Yes. Apparently a popular google search is "how do I know if my cat is trying to kill me?" It's been searched 184,000 times. 184,000! Wee and I could resist. We had to make it 184,000 and one. The signs, just in case you're wondering, that your cat is trying to kill you include:

• KNEADING ON YOU. You may think this is a sign of affection, but it's actually your cat checking your internal organs for weakness.
• EXCESSIVE SHOVELING OF THE KITTY LITTER. After using the litterbox, your cat needlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room. This is practice for burying bodies.
• STARING CONTEST. If you get caught in a staring contest with your cat, do not look away. Looking away will signal to your cat that you are weak and an attack will likely follow.
• BRINGING YOU DEAD ANIMALS. This isn't a gift, it's a warning.
• SLEEPING ON YOUR ELECTRONICS. Humans have superior technology. Your cat knows this and is attempting to disrupt all communications with the outside world.

Just in case your not sure after reading the above and more, they conveniently offer a two minute quiz entitled "Is your cat plotting to kill you?"

Well, after the chuckles we still had a task at hand and finally did research signs my cat may be pregnant. Among other things, being overly affectionate is indeed a sign. We will continue to monitor the situation and if Peach is right we may be welcoming a litter of kitties within the next 60 - 67 days with the average being 63 days.

Stay tuned.