Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Lessons My Children Taught Me

Ok, now this thing was supposed to be easy! Yet even when I do manage to find the time to sit and blog, I find I'm constantly interrupted with phone calls, teenage drama, emotional meltdowns or arguments over clothes, make up, flat irons, the computer etc, etc, etc, etc.

I've registered my team Donna's Dragonflies for the Canadian Cancer Society's Relay for Life. This is my 3rd year participating in honour of my best friend Donna. We are coming up the first anniversary of Donna's death from metastatic breast cancer. I miss her everyday! I can still hear her familiar 'hi, it's me' just as clearly as I can hear my girls laughing down the hall. Many times I feel completely lost without her friendship. My goal for the relay is to personally raise $500 in her name.

Dieting is very sloooooooooooooow. I'm stalled at 245. I haven't yet learned to not use food as comfort. When I feel overwhelmed (which is more often then not these days), eating is the only thing I feel I have control over. As a teenager I used to starve myself to show others I had control, and now as an adult I do the opposite and binge to feel like I'm in control. What the hell am I trying to prove, and to whom? Can someone please explain to me why when I'm pissed off at work do I feel I have to go home and eat 3 plates of dinner just to 'show her?' More importantly, can someone tell me how to stop? Hopefully things will start to settle down at work soon, as there are only 15 days until Dr. Z leaves the practice. I heard a line in a movie recently which pretty much sums up my job .... "I'm in a job with little pay and no respect - but one which I happen to love."

I strive to lead my children by example but do find myself more often then I'd like in one of those do as I say, not as I do situations. This week was one of those such situations. I have tried to raise my kids to always look for the good in people and situations and not just focus on the negative. They will always come across people in their lifetime who they aren't going to like or get along with, but try to find at least one good quality in each person. Especially when they have had a bad day, I try to get them to name at least one good or positive thing that happened. The other day, after a usual stressful day at work, I came home to the girls arguing and proceeded to rant about how crappy my day at work had been and how I really wasn't in the mood for more stress at home. In the middle of it all, Gingo stopped me and asked me if there was anything good about my day. Pudge joined her and I soon found myself smiling at my 2 youngest children who had just made me eat my own words.

Thank you Pudge and Gingo. Not only did you teach me a lesson, but you more importantly proved that even though I often feel like I'm banging my head against a wall when it comes to parenting, I am actually getting through. I love you guys!

Friday, February 2, 2007

Believe .... By Wish Belkin, © 2002

Believe in rewards that await you,
believe in the harvest in store.
Believe that the spring will awaken,
believe you'll be sowing once more.
Believe that there's a tomorrow,
where no one cares if you can't dance.
Believe in the future's promise,
each new day brings a new chance.
Believe you can make you goals happen,
they're just dreams with a deadline attached.
Believe that you have the power,
believe that you're more than a match.
Believe in a shared existence,
you're not alone this is true.
Believe that right now there is someone,
who believes in the wonder that's you.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Girl's Night Countdown

Reward Day ... weigh in today 245 and 3/4. It's been a loooong week. Stress at work, fighting at home. Unfortunately for me, stress equals eating. Our luncheon at work today was Chinese Food - my favourite! We don't have it at home, because for a family of 7 it's outside our budget so it's a big treat for me when we have it at work.

Friday night I'm off to JW's until Saturday. I'm really looking forward to some girl time. Away from the kids, away from hubby, away from patients and doctors. Down time to relax, have a few drinks and gab with a friend. Originally we were going to get together Sunday, but hubby and I are having a Super Bowl mini-party on Sunday. Does wanting to get away for a day so bad make me a bad mother/wife? I know I'll come home in a better frame of mind .... JW and I will each vent about our hubbies, our kids, our bills, our jobs. She'll tell me what she agrees with, and also when I need to grow up and get over it. I'll take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one going through these things and that I'm not crazy ... and I'll feel better.