Another one of those friggin days. I seem to be having more and more of them lately ... I've even named them: My pity party for one.
There's so much 'in between' that I haven't posted. I'm overloaded with teenage drama.
Playing the waiting game with Lou ready to deliver anyday now. Stressed over her health and the health of her baby with the news that Lou has a kidney problem which can not be fully investigated until she delivers. The OB ordered a Bio Physical Profile on the baby based on concerns that he has stopped growing. She moved back home in December, but she's a teenager in love and Kmaq still has considerable influence in her life. He refuses to go to school, and refuses to work. He's an unmotivated 16 year old with "no use for adults." His mother actually signed papers giving permission for him to marry Lou .... because that will make everything magically better, and will limit the control they apparently think I have over the situation. Thankfully, Lou doesn't see that as a solution and is in no big hurry to marry. He also thinks being married will actually increase the amount of welfare they'll be to collect. Dream big there, Kmaq. Set that bar high! Lou busted her ass, working 2 jobs while continuing to go to school to try and prepare for this baby. She does not want to go on welfare, an argument she keeps having with him. I'm busting my ass too, trying to do everything I can to help her so she doesn't have to. Before Kmaq, Lou was focused. She knew what she wanted in life and had a plan for how to get there. She was 'the one' out of my five children who I had no doubt would follow her dreams and achieve every goal she set for herself. When I found out she was pregnant at 16, one of the first things she told me was she was not giving up on herself and she didn't want me to give up on her either. She acknowledged that having the baby would mean she'd have to work harder to reach her goals, and it would take longer. But she made a promise to herself and to her baby that she would get there. Yet the immaturity of her age has her thinking she can change Kmaq. UGHH.
George is ALL drama, ALL the time. I love her dearly, but I don't like her much these days. At 19 years of age I expect more from her. She feels, as an adult now, there are no rules. No more household chores. No more curfews. No questions to answer. No one to answer to. Who knew? Oh, and respect? She'll have none of that nonsense either. Suddenly, she has the right to treat people however she wants. The right to speak however she wants; to swear at her sisters and I. I've given her 2 options ... follow the rules and continue to live at home ... or leave. She has until Friday to decide. UGGHHH.
And then there's Gingo. Now, I understand she's dealing with a lot right now. First, being a 13 year old girl and all the hormonal puberty shit and rebelliousness that goes along with that. I was there once, and I do remember what it's like despite what my kids think. In addition, our family really has been turned upside down and sideways dealing with a teenage pregnancy. There has been much fighting, many tears, family separation, disappointment, uncertainty ... I could go on and on and on. I know she's getting mixed messages from me ... I mean how do I show love and support to Lou without sending the message to the others that I approve of Lou's situation?
I'm tired. Goodnight.
perceptions askew / leaving nothing but shadows / of obscured visions ♦ family visit / rekindled relationships / lost too long ago ♦ tear away façades / fr...